Monday, November 9, 2009

Huge Explosions!: Thoughts on the Military

So like, everybody knows war sucks, but its also awesome. I would love to be in the military and go to war... as a sergeant. 'Cause fuck, I'd have a whistle. I could kick more ass with a whistle... and kickin' ass is what the army's all about baby. Jk (does saying that make me gay?), fuck that gay whistle shit. I'd be on the front lines out there in the motha fuckin' jungle massacring the fuck outta shit. Like Rambo... but with a different name and even more kick-ass ass-kicking skills. Like if there were as many Rambos running around shooting at me as there were little mexicans running around shooting at Rambo, I could take them all: "No gung hay phat choy probremo" (That means, "No, problem is too big to tackle," in Chinese). And instead of a pussy-ass bandana around my head like Rambo, I'd wear barbed wire around my head like Jesus. Ain't nothing more American than that. My name would be hard-ass like Fuck You, or Muscles McMuscleson or some shit. My gun would be a triple-machine-gun-stealth-homing-bazooka with pump action. Rapidfire, total beat-ass. And my muscles would burst my shirts to shreds. If anybody told me to do anything, I'd be like, "Fuck you! I'm American!" Yeah people'd be like, "Don't kill those people, they're not Mexicans!" But I don't give a FUCK! This one time, the enemy held me captive for six torturous years but I escaped with this fine-ass bitch and an insatiable thirst for human flesh... foreign human flesh. In one word, I'd be "America."

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